Expectations are ugly things. I try to make a goal in my life to keep myself from developing expectations and when I do I try and communicate them, if reasonable and necessary, so that I do not get hurt.
However, every once in awhile an expectation creeps in and I recognize those oh so annoying feelings of frustration and self-hatred when I find myself disappointed.
It is even more annoying because the source of these feelings is all self-created.
I believe expectations are founded in the mentality that people should consider you and what it is that you would want. What it is in each situation that you would prefer and would make you most comfortable. This mentality is selfish and narcissistic in nature. I understand the desire to have people consider you, however, this is not a reality. As humans are, naturally, selfish in nature. I know this thought goes against the grain, and isn't fun to think about. However, I believe it's true.
Hence the desire and goal to never have expectations.
This is not an easy thing to accomplish, given we all think about the future and our goals and how we want people to react and respond to us. It's a fight. It's an exhausting uphill battle to grasp the idea that if you 'need' it - you must ask for it.
I'm terrible at this. I wont ever ask, and will sit in my shit for days on end wishing I wasn't - but refusing to do a damn thing about it.
I do not have the happy medium. Clearly an issue.
~Stephanie
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