Musing - about it all...

Do you ever just want to have a conversation with someone who believes the polar opposite of what you believe? Just to ask questions, gain perspective, learn something new. Not to try and 'convert' them to your ways or to try and 'teach them a lesson'...just understand them. Where they come from and how they can possibly believe something so different from you? Do you find it as frustrating as I do that these types of conversations can rarely happen? People find it so bothersome that you don't agree with them, or believe what they believe. Like you disagreeing is a personal hit on that person. I don't want to argue. I just want to understand.

It baffles me that when I'm anywhere - all the people around me have a destination. Every person, has a story. A life. A place. And in that moment, you are sharing in their life. You are entering their world for just a brief moment. AND depending on, said encounter, you may make a difference. When I start thinking about each individual person, and where they are going and where they are coming from and what their life, and how they live - I just want to go crazy, and understand them.

I hate small talk. Yes, I will talk about the weather with you and generally shoot the shit for a minute or two - if its necessary. BUT, I would much prefer to talk to you. To get to know you. To understand you. I'm a bit nosy, in the sense, that I am question asker. I want to find what will get you to open up so I can learn about you. I rarely follow through with this, and that bugs me.

I am a passionate person, and selfishly want everyone else to be passionate too. You do not need to be passionate about what I'm passionate about. I just want to see you get excited or worked up about something. Nothing stirs me - the way being around a group of people who are 'there' for a higher purpose than themselves. A group of people gathering, rallying for anything..it excites me and it inspires me. It gets the hair on my neck to stand up and I begin to feel that camaraderie that everyone else is feeling. I want to be a part of it.

When I'm looking at you, and can see your eyes. But cannot see the world through your eyes. It makes me sad.

I want to dance and sing. Always. So, I do. However, this is something only a few select people get to be a part of. Its me. Being me, being goofy. Its who I am when I am alone. I fear people wont like this side of me. So, I keep it under wraps, until I feel like you love me enough - to love that side as well.

I like to laugh. This is new, as of a few years ago. I've always been a rather happy person, but did not have a great sense of humor. NOW, I think nearly everything is funny. And I have a loud guttural laugh that shocks people. I like that about myself.

I have a friend who is incredible (I have lots of great friends, but this Woman inspires me). I have known her since I was 6 - and have considered her one of my best friends for nearly 20 years. She possesses so many qualities that I strive for on a daily basis. She is smart. She is strong. She is beautiful. She is optimistic. She is full of drive. She is funny. She is caring and compassionate. She is non-judgemental. She is there for you. She is so many things. I love her.

Do you ever wonder about things that have not been discovered or invented yet? Dear Lord, I do. I like to ponder the innumerable possibilities that the technology and creativity of all the people in the world bring to the table. I like to think about what the 'next best thing' is. This thought, keeps me up at night.

I giggle at the newest cell phones. Years ago we had these big clunky cell phones that were for emergencies only. As time and popularity grew the experts worked so hard to make cell phones smaller and more convenient. BUT, with the release of the IPhone, it is now, better to have a bigger cell phone. It's like fashion. The trends repeat. I'm certain the experts are already working on a way to make smart phones smaller.

Deja Vu creeps me out. I think about this a lot too. I want to know what it is, and how it works and what is causing it....which leads me to...

The fact that I wish we could study the brain more effectively. It's an incredible tool that used by animals and people alike, on a daily basis. Yet, we know so little about it. I am waiting for the day that science can teach us more about the brain. How it works, and why we are the way we are.

It drives me stinking crazy that sometimes I just have to accept that there are certain things I'll never know.

Shit, this is long. I'm stopping...

~Stephanie