I'm one of those divorcees. The kind that wonders if true love exists, if what society deems the RIGHT type of relationship is right for me. I wonder if one person can really love you for all eternity despite all of your flaws and differences. I wonder if I'll ever find someone that I want to marry again..I wonder these things a lot.
I'm fairly certain that's a healthy part of getting divorced. Discovering and Exploring new things...'finding yourself'...all that ooey-gooey stuff..
But, recently, relationships have captured me. Caused me to question everything. I know I've already said that - but I have to drive this point home. What do I really believe about love and relationships?
Society has taught us that you date, find 'the one' get married, have kids and live happily ever after with a few bumps in the road - you know, nothing a little therapy can't fix. But, I found 'the one' - got married, didn't have kids - and had bumps in the road that therapy could not fix. We changed grew apart, fell out love, lost love and was too far gone to find it again. Judge all you want - this is my story.
Two months after telling my Husband, I want a divorce...I'm here. Single, living alone (this is a really big deal to me, something you'll find as a reoccurring topic in my blogs), establishing new friends, new relationships, searching for answers about God, Love, Life and the like...
So as every book lover does; I have read and purchased many books about relationships, love, life and God...
I've read a ton of books. Books about: open marriages/relationships, diverse families, plural families, homosexual families, 'standard' families, mixed race/religion families...Oh Man. Relationships and families - have really been on my mind.
I do not have any conclusions just personal challenges...
I do not believe that I need society to dictate my life. I do not believe that I have to live along the lines of what society has deemed acceptable. I do not believe that love is finite - I believe that you can love multiple people and that love will not run out, "Love begets Love" (Jenny Block, author of Open: Love, Sex & Life in an Open Marriage) and I believe that quote. I believe that the more you love the more love you have to hand out. Oh Man, I should write a blog about this - alone...it'll be a doozy, you just wait...
It's been a wonderful personal adventure starting with a divorce...it's hard way to start a personal adventure - but I am embracing this part of my life. It is what it is. I cannot change it. I cannot make him love me. I cannot make him be who I am want him to be and visa versa...so, what do you do?
You grab yourself by the balls, stand-up, be the adult you are - and work hard at becoming a better version of yourself.
~Stephanie
**Keep watch for my "Love Begets Love" Blog/Rant
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3 comments:
I can't read your blog any more. It makes me too sad. After this I will unsubscribe. I don't know what exactly happened or is going on in your life. What little I get from this blog tells me you have lost your faith in all but show and you've given yourself completely to emotion and a self-centered concentration on what your emotions lead you to believe. I hope I'm wrong and that the incomplete picture of this deeply pain-filled blog has misrepresented you. I just can't read any more.
Wow, I hope Evan really did unsubscribe. He's quite the judgmental dude.
I'm pretty sure discovering and exploring new things is a healthy part of life at any stage, divorce be damned! If at any point we DON'T question how things ought to be that is exactly when we need to question it the most.
I am really, really into the idea of plural families, but have had difficulty finding others to cooperate. Because my family was small and disjointed I want my children to be surrounded by "aunts and uncles" and immersed in diverse love. But for whatever reason nobody wants to live on my commune! >:(
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